'Matter of Laugh or Death,' a humor column
By Bill Dunn
Interesting observations on this thing we call life
(appearing each week in the Republican-American newspaper, Waterbury, CT)
IF TODAY WAS YOUR LAST DAY
There’s an old expression, “Live like there’s no tomorrow.” This is a theme in many popular songs. Selena Gomez recorded a song by that exact title, and there are songs by Tim McGraw, “Live like you were dying,” and Nickelback, “If today was your last day.”
The theme is also popular in church sermons. Priests and ministers often preach on the topic, “What if today was your last day?” I suppose this is a good way to get parishioners to contemplate the Final Judgment, but a lousy way to get them to sign up as volunteers for next month’s church fair. (“Sorry Pastor, today’s my last day, remember? Get someone else to set up the tables.”)
By the way, I was able to look up those songs and a number of religious sermons on Google in about two minutes. Previously I had never heard of the songs, as I’m not a fan of any of those artists, nor had I been familiar with the particular preachers. Can you imagine how difficult it would be to write this column without the help of Google? Why, I might be tempted to make stuff up, which we all know NEVER happens.
So what if there are a few drawbacks to using Google so often? So what if Google is currently amassing a database of every website I’ve ever visited, every product I’ve ever purchased, and every keystroke I’ve ever typed on my computer? So what if they now have sophisticated software programs that can know my exact thoughts before I even think them? I’m sure they’ll never turn over that information to a totalitarian government, or even worse, to corporate marketing departments. No, Google is my friend. I love Big Brother — er, I mean, Big Google.
Anyway, those various songs and sermons about living like there’s no tomorrow emphasize the good things we ought to be doing each day. Things such as forgiving others, laughing more often, smelling the roses, visiting old friends, taking more risks, and being grateful for our many blessings. But it shouldn’t take a syrupy song or a scary sermon to remind us to make the most of each day.
If you really think about it, if we knew that today truly was our last day on earth, I bet we would not be doing things like going fishing, prancing thru flower gardens, or saying “I love you” to total strangers. I suspect we instead would be doing a whole lot of indignant screaming, such as, “Whattaya mean my last day?! Sez who?! I just bought Sox tickets for August! Leave me alone!!”
If we did acknowledge that it was our last day, our actions probably would depend on whether we believed we’d ever face a Final Judgment or not. If not, some foolish people might do things that normally would get them arrested, or at least written up for sexual harassment. (“Hey Bob, you see that hottie over there, Ms. Schwartz from Accounting? Well, watch this!”)
The rest of us, who believe we will face a Final Judgment after death, might be more inclined to spend that final day on earth hanging around a church to accumulate some last minute Brownie points.
If I knew it was my last day, I’m not sure what I would do. But I know I definitely would not go anywhere I’d have to wait in line — especially the DMV. And I would muster up the courage to tell Big Google to stop collecting data about everyone. (No, I’m just kidding. Google is my friend. Please, don’t send agents to confiscate my computer. I still might be around tomorrow!)
Bill's suspense novel "Purge the Evil" now available for Kindle download. For info, click here: http://www.boomertrek.com/PurgeTheEvil.htm
|Home||Current Faith||Current Funnies||Faith Archive||Funnies Archive||Contact Bill|