'Matter of Laugh or Death,' a humor column
By Bill Dunn
Interesting observations on this thing we call life
(appearing each week in the Republican-American newspaper, Waterbury, CT)
CONDO, OR NOT CONDO? THAT IS THE QUESTION
My wife and I are contemplating a major decision. Weíre thinking that it might be time to sell our house and move to a smaller home. But weíre not sure if we should look for a smaller, more manageable single-family house, or take the drastic step of buying a condominium unit.
There are pros and cons to both options. A smaller single-family house still will have a lawn that needs to be mowed, a driveway that needs to be snow-blown (or is it snow-blowed?), bushes that need to be trimmed, leaves that need to be raked, and gutters that need to be cleaned. If youíre not quite sure, these items are definitely cons. I guess there are some people out there who think yard work is enjoyable and would list all those chores as pros, but then again there are some people out there who think the Kardashian sisters are good role models. So there are a lot of really odd personal preferences in the world.
The pros of a single-family house are numerous. First, thereís privacy, since you donít have neighbors living right on the other side of your wall. If your condo neighbor is in the habit of coming home drunk at 2 a.m., singing loudly, and banging into furniture, that could be a bit annoying. The second good feature of a single-family house is, um, isÖ Well, I canít think of anything else at the moment, but Iím sure there must be other positive things about living in a house on a separate plot of land. If my wife were here at the moment she would be able to list a few for me. (To be honest with you, my wife kind of prefers the single-family house option, while Iím leaning toward a condo. But donít tell her I said that. Thatíll just be a little secret between you and me Ė and the entire newspaper-reading public of western Connecticut.)
There is one big con with either option: weíll have to clean out all the stuff that has accumulated in our current home over the course of 25 years. Iíll probably have to rent seven Dumpsters and hire a squadron of National Guardsmen to help.
Iíve never lived in a condo, although I lived in an apartment for a while when I first got out of college. But I donít remember much about that experience, probably because I was in the habit of coming home drunk at 2 a.m., singing loudly, and banging into furniture. The people who lived in the next-door apartment probably remember those days better than I do.
The pros of buying a condo, which are basically all the cons of the house option Ė no mowing, blowing, trimming, raking, etc. Ė are quite attractive to me. But I suspect there are a bunch of cons that I havenít considered.
So thatís why Iíd like to solicit input from the wisest, most experienced group of people I know: the readers of this column. (Who are so wise and so experienced they can instantly recognize false flattery.)
What is your opinion about the house vs. condo question? Please send me an email at email@example.com and let me know what you think. Feel free to share your positive experiences and also your horror stories. If some of your stories are humorous Iíll discuss them in a future column.
By the way, if you happen to be the people who lived in the next-door apartment when I first got out of college, you donít have to write. I already know your views on this topic. And Iím sorry.
Bill's suspense novel "Purge the Evil" now available for Kindle download. For info, click here: http://www.boomertrek.com/PurgeTheEvil.htm
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