'Matter of Laugh or Death,' a humor column
By Bill Dunn
Interesting observations on this thing we call life
(appearing each week in the Republican-American newspaper, Waterbury, CT)
2011 YEAR IN REVIEW
Twelve months ago, during the last week of December, 2010, all the newspapers, magazines, and Internet sites were doing their annual “year in review” stories. The major events of 2010 were listed in chronological order. At the time I said to myself, “Hey, I’ll do that for next year. I’ll keep a little journal throughout the year. Whenever something interesting happens here in Connecticut I’ll scribble some notes about it, and then during the last week of December, 2011, I’ll be able to write my own ‘year in review’ column.”
So I started keeping a journal for the year 2011. Here is everything I wrote down:
Jan 1 – UConn plays in its first ever BCS bowl game tonight, the Fiesta Bowl against Oklahoma. What a proud day for the Huskies.
Jan 2 – Well, the Huskies got stomped last night, 48 to 20, and the game wasn’t even as close as the final score indicates. Right after the game ended, head coach Randy Edsell jumped on a private jet and flew to Maryland to announce he’s the new head coach there. He didn’t even say goodbye to the team. What a sleaze. He’ll probably have a very successful season in the fall of 2011.
Jan 11 – Man, it’s snowing like crazy. And we already had a lot of snow on the ground from storms in December. I hope this doesn’t end up being a really snowy winter.
Jan 12 – Over 20 inches when it finally stopped! And some parts of the state and central Mass. got over 30 inches!
Jan 13 – Just discovered what the term “ice dam” means, as our gutters now are clogged with massive glaciers. I hope it doesn’t cause any damage. Heard on the news that many roofs in the state have collapsed.
Jan 14 – Just discovered what happens when sheetrock gets soaking wet. The ceilings in the living room and kitchen look like the “before” pictures on an episode of “This Old House.” All I can say is, “Ice dam it!!”
Jan 31 – Sorry I haven’t made any entries in this journal during the last couple of weeks, but I’ve spent all my spare time battling the icebergs on the roof and trying to minimize the damage to the sheetrock ceilings and walls. I hear we’re suppose to get more snow today.
Feb 2 – Just discovered what a “roof rake” is, now the most sought-after item in the state. Waited in line at Home Depot for three hours to buy one. Would’ve gladly paid $500 bucks. Another two feet of snow fell, plus lots of freezing rain and ice. Some houses have close to four feet of snow on the roof. I’m starting not to like winter very much.
Feb 7 – More roofs collapsing around the state. Many people falling off roofs while shoveling snow. I’m trying not to join their ranks as I try to clear the massive drifts off my roof. I wonder if middle-aged guys in, say, South Carolina are up to their hips in snow on their roofs right now? Probably not. I wonder what the job market is like in Myrtle Beach?
Feb 13 – I have to suspend writing in this journal for now, since this winter has been so terrible. But that means we’re sure to get nice weather during the rest of the year. After all, this is Connecticut, where we never get any monsoon rains, flooding, earthquakes, hurricanes, or power outages. So I’ll start writing again in this journal as soon as we get some calm weather.
Not surprisingly, that was my last entry.
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