'Matter of Laugh or Death,' a humor column
By Bill Dunn
Interesting observations on this thing we call life
(appearing each week in the Republican-American newspaper, Waterbury, CT)
BUCKET LIST HAS QUITE A KICK
A few years ago Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman starred in a movie called “The Bucket List.” It was a story of two guys suffering from cancer who decided to do all the things they always wanted to do before they “kicked the bucket.”
Fortunately, Nicholson’s character just happened to be a wealthy businessman, who was able to fund their adventures. The pair went skydiving, flew over the North Pole, climbed the pyramids in Egypt, visited the Taj Mahal, went on a lion safari in Africa, and rode motorcycles on the Great Wall of China.
If Nicholson’s character had been lower middle class, like Freeman’s character, then it would have been a really boring movie. Even with exciting adventures, the movie still managed to annoy a lot a people, particularly Roger Ebert, the well-known film critic and cancer survivor. Ebert was not impressed that the movie “thinks dying of cancer is a laugh riot followed by a dime-store epiphany.” Oh well, I guess you can’t always please everyone.
The first time I heard about the concept of a “bucket list” was many years earlier. Long before he became famous, football coach Lou Holtz made a list of “100 things to do” during his lifetime. A few of the items on his list included: become head coach at Notre Dame, win a national championship, and speak with a manly voice. Well, Coach, two out of three ain’t bad.
My personal bucket list is much more modest, since I’m neither a movie star, a wealthy character in a movie, nor a major college football coach. (But on the other hand, even though I have no coaching experience, decades of watching football on TV has convinced me I can call plays more creatively than anything that’s been going on at UConn in recent years. So if you guys in Storrs need an offensive coordinator, I’m in the phone book.)
As a young man, the two primary items on my bucket list were: 1) marry the most beautiful woman in the world, and 2) see the Red Sox win the World Series. Amazingly, both occurred during my lifetime. One was the consummation of a passionate love affair, and the other was my wedding day.
I used to have more ambitious items on my bucket list, such as go bungee jumping, climb the Eiffel Tower, bungee jump from the top of the Eiffel Tower, and see the Chicago Cubs win the World Series. (Not that I’m a big Cubs fan. Just rooting for the underdog.) But now I’m much older and a little bit wiser, and I finally realized these are silly goals, since I’m afraid of heights, I don’t particularly like France (because they don’t like me), and the Cubs are much worse than the Red Sox ever were. So those goals are simply unrealistic.
Now my bucket list has goals that are much more doable, like avoiding an IRS audit, keeping my job, and taking a nap once in a while.
I showed this list to my wife (you remember her, right? The most beautiful woman in the world?), and she was not impressed. She said I need to think on a much more grander scale. I need to think outside the box.
OK, fair enough. So here’s my new “outside the box” bucket list, which has only two items on it: 1) watch Ted Williams hit a baseball, and 2) go to a Beatles concert.
Actually, I think I have a better chance of doing those two things than the Cubs have of winning the World Series.
|Home||Current Faith||Current Funnies||Faith Archive||Funnies Archive||Contact Bill|