'Matter of Laugh or Death,' a humor column
By Bill Dunn
Interesting observations on this thing we call life
(appearing each week in the Republican-American newspaper, Waterbury, CT)
IS TALKING TO YOURSELF NORMAL?
It happened again the other day. I was at work, out back in the warehouse, trying to find an item. And I did what I often do when I’m trying to figure something out—and when I KNOW I’m alone—I started talking to myself.
“So where do you think we keep those things?” I said out loud. “They should be on this shelf, right? Maybe someone stored them in the wrong place. How ‘bout over here? Hmm, the computer says we should have three in stock. Why can’t I find them? And why does that customer always need the exact item we don’t have?”
And then as I came around the corner, I found myself face-to-face with a coworker who was looking at me as if I had forgotten to wear pants to work that morning. “Hey, how you doin’?” I said. He just stared. I quickly checked to see if I was wearing pants (I was) and then said, “What’s the matter?”
He said, “Who, uh, who were you just talking to?”
Uh oh, I thought. He heard me talking to myself, and everyone knows talking to yourself is a sign of some kind of mental illness, such as schizophrenia or obsessive/compulsive disorder or being a Yankees fan. So I quickly said, “I was talking on my cell phone. Yeah, that’s it.”
Except that I had left my cell phone on my desk and the little phone holster on my belt was empty. It was a very awkward moment. I finally changed the subject and said, “Do we have any 24 by 24 filter grilles?” He silently pointed to a box on a shelf right in front of me.
“Oh, terrific,” I exclaimed. “I couldn’t find any.” He shook his head and walked away.
When I got back to my desk I did what any dedicated employee would do when work starts to pile up: I went on the Internet and did a Google search for the phrase “talking to yourself.”
The first website I found said this: “In old movies, if you wanted to show that someone was really crazy you’d show them talking to themselves. Even if they were only doing it mentally, it was suppose to be a sure sign of mental illness.”
Oh great, just as I suspected. But the next website I found said this: “Talking to yourself may actually be good for you, scientists have found. Exercising your ‘inner voice’ can improve self-control and reduce impulsive behavior.”
Well, I was just trying to find a filter grille, but if talking to myself kept me from doing something impulsive out in the warehouse, then that’s a good thing. (Although I can’t imagine what impulsive thing I might have done, other than mutter something that sounds like “shoot” and call the customer and tell him we’re out of stock. Not exactly the same as taking hostages at gunpoint.)
A third website had a scientific article titled, “Why talking to yourself might be the highest form of intelligence.” I immediately said, “Yeah, baby!” and then quickly looked around the office to see if anyone had heard me say that out loud.
The article itself was filled with scientific mumbo-jumbo, so I just focused on the phrase in the title, “Highest form of intelligence.” I smiled and said, “Sounds good to me.”
Then a different coworker said to me, “Did you just say something, Bill?”
“No, of course not,” I said nervously. “Whattaya think, I talk to myself? That would be crazy.”
|Home||Current Faith||Current Funnies||Faith Archive||Funnies Archive||Contact Bill|