RANDOM OBSERVATIONS

• During the past decade, the “casual Friday” dress code at offices has turned into the “casual Monday-through-Friday” dress code. I was at an important, high-level meeting the other day, and no one was wearing a tie. Half the guys were wearing jeans and sneakers. As far as I’m concerned, this is great, since I hate to wear suits and ties. But have you noticed there are a few occupations where getting dressed up is still required? Pinstriped suits, silk ties, cufflinks, and leather-soled dress shoes are still worn each day by politicians, lawyers, and Wall Street bankers. So the conclusion is: the more dressed-up a person is, the less trustworthy he is.
   
• When I was young, if I didn’t have to wake up early—such as Saturdays when I was in high school, or Mondays through Sundays while in college—I could easily sleep until noon. But now, on mornings when I can sleep late, I find myself wide awake at quarter-to-five, staring at the bedroom ceiling, and muttering to myself, “What’s the matter with you, pal? Go back to sleep.” My brain replies, “I’m trying, I’m trying!” But then my bladder chimes in, “Um, excuse me? Time to take a walk down the hall, if you get my drift.” And so another perfectly good opportunity to sleep-in is wasted.
   
• The elections are finally over, a fact that causes even atheists to exclaim, “Thank God!!” So it will be only another four or five months before all the campaign signs are taken down. An interesting aspect of the campaign season, which is mostly the month of October on the local level (and four years straight on the national level), is the letters-to-the-editor page in the newspaper. The letters of support pretty much say candidate so-and-so is the next Mother Teresa, who has never had even a fleeting impure thought, and who will work miracles for the community if elected. The negative letters, on the other hand, warn that the opposing candidate is the most self-serving, sinister person in history, and if elected will cause the entire planet earth to disintegrate into a massive black hole. And that’s just the typical negative letters. Sometimes they go overboard and exaggerate. I suppose if a candidate discovered a cure for cancer, negative letters would appear in the paper demanding, “What took you so long?!”
   
• A recent news story that made headlines around here described postal workers who are being paid $22 per hour to do nothing. Even though there are no longer any duties for these workers, because of a “no layoff” clause in the union contract, they report each day to a special room in the Post Office building and spend eight hours playing cards, reading books, watching DVDs, and napping. A related follow-up story explained that New York City has hundreds of public school teachers doing the exact same thing as they get paid while waiting years for disciplinary hearings to be scheduled. When I read these stories, I thought, “Oh man, how can I get a job like that?” Hey, I admit it, I’m lazy. Getting paid to do nothing instinctively appeals to my sinful human nature. However, the more I thought about it, I realized if I were in that seemingly attractive situation, I’d probably be suicidal within two months. Doing something useful is required to be happy.
   
• Ever hear that old expression, “He has the perfect face for radio”? Well, after being interviewed recently for a full 50 minutes on a local radio talk show, I can now confidently say that I have the perfect voice for newspapers.