NOT MUCH HAS CHANGED IN 30 YEARS

(Note: this is an essay I wrote on behalf of the Class of 1979 for a special Reunion issue of The Bucknellian newspaper.)

It’s hard to believe it has been 30 years since Graduation Day, 1979. It’s hard to believe after this many years, we continue to say, “It’s hard to believe…”

What did we think, that we were immune to the passage of time? That we would remain forever in our 20s? That we were the first generation in history that would not wake up one day and discover we were now in our 50s, and our kids are older than we were when we graduated?

Yes, that’s exactly it. We never thought we’d ever get old. Or, at least, we never thought it would happen so darn quickly.

There’s an old expression: The more things change, the more they stay the same. Well, there’s another old expression: The more things change, the more they REALLY change.

Here is a list that demonstrates how much things indeed have changed during the past 30 years. Each couplet describes something we were doing back in 1979, followed by what we instead are doing now in 2009. 

• Sociology exam – Prostate exam.
   
• Going to sleep at 4 a.m. – Waking up at 4 a.m.
   
• Keg parties – Tupperware parties.
   
• Long hair – No hair.
   
• Hot babes – Hot flashes.
   
• Hours of enjoyment with a $4 Frisbee – Hours of frustration with a $900 set of golf clubs.
   
• Progressive politics – Progressive bifocals.
   
• Getting high – Getting high blood pressure.
   
• Beer kegs that flowed to the max – Bladders in desperate need of FLOMAX.
   
• Lying to our parents about what we did in college – Lying to our children about what we did in college.
   
• Starting Saturday night at 10 p.m. – Concluding Saturday night at 10 p.m.
   
• Poli Sci – PoliGrip.
   
• Studying ancient history – Remembering ancient history.
   
• Thinking people in their 30s were old timers – Thinking people in their 30s are young pups.
   
• Hundreds of vinyl albums stored in a heavy wooden crate – Hundreds of digital albums stored in a 2-ounce iPod.
   
• Hoping we wouldn’t have to move back in with our parents – Hoping our kids won’t move back in with us.
   
• Greek fraternities – Grecian formula.
   
• Wishing our parents would leave us alone – Wishing our kids would call once in a while.
   
• Amazed at Bruce Springsteen’s endurance during a 3-hour concert – Amazed at Bruce Springsteen’s endurance during a 3-hour concert.
   
• Bushy mustache – Bushy ear hair.
   
• Deciding where to live – Deciding where to be buried.
   
• Trying to discover the meaning of life – Trying to discover the meaning of death.
   
• Focused on finding happiness – Realizing happiness comes when we stop focusing on it.

Author P.J. O’Rourke wrote about his college years and how he had changed so drastically during the subsequent decades. The book is titled: Age and Guile Beat Youth, Innocence, and a Bad Haircut.

Now that the Class of ’79 has acquired age and guile, we too understand that the experience gained during the past three decades far outweighs youth, innocence, and especially those hideous 1970s-style haircuts. Which brings us to our final 1979-2009 couplet: 

• Thinking people in their 50s were ancient fossils – Knowing people in their 50s are just hitting their prime.

Well, at least that’s our story and we’re sticking to it. Have a great reunion!