COMFORT MORE IMPORTANT THAN FASHION

I’m at the age where it’s much more important that my clothes are comfortable rather than fashionable. People who know me might make the case that I’ve always dressed unfashionably, but that’s because I am “tone deaf” when it comes to proper fashion (I blame it on growing up during the ‘70s) and not because I didn’t care. Well, now I no longer care. Look out.

I might have already written about this topic in recent years, but I’m also at the age where I can’t remember stuff like that anymore. Of course, most of the people who read this column on a regular basis are at the age where they can’t remember a lot of stuff either, so it’s all good. If you do happen to remember this topic being discussed in a previous column, then you’re way too young to be reading this anyway. Please turn to the celebrity news page, or to the sales flier for the latest electronic gizmos—the products that people my age cannot possibly comprehend.

There are many articles of clothing that are downright ugly, but are very comfortable and functional. For example, on hot summer days, a floppy, wide-brimmed hat is perfect to keep the sun off my face and neck. When I wear such a hat, I look a lot like Katherine Hepburn trimming her rose bushes. But so what? And in the winter you can’t beat one of those big furry hats with the flaps on either side. Who cares if I’m frequently mistaken for a Russian tank commander as long as my head is warm?

In recent years I’ve become a big fan of Velcro. Even a fashion illiterate like me realizes that Velcro sneakers and shoes are among the most hideous looking things on earth, but when you reach the age where bending over to tie your shoes makes you winded, you begin to appreciate the genius of Velcro.

My most favorite article of clothing theses days, which is both comfortable and severely unfashionable, is the cardigan sweater. The cardigan keeps you warm during the cold seasons, and yet, when you go inside you can just unbutton or unzip the front of the sweater so you don’t get too hot. You can’t do that with a pullover sweater. Inside a warm building you either start sweating, which makes you really chilly when you go back outside, or you have to pull the sweater off over your head, and the static electricity produces a “mad scientist” hairstyle. (In my case, after wearing the Russian tank commander fur hat, nothing could make my hair look any worse, so that is not a consideration.)

Whenever I wear one of my many cardigan sweaters to the office (yes, I have a whole collection! Take that, Fashion Police!), my coworkers often call me “Mr. Rogers” or “Fred MacMurray.” One particular coworker likes to yell, “Quick, call the Sunset Hills Nursing Home! One of their patients escaped!” Ha ha, very funny. We’ll see who has the last laugh, Mr. Wise Guy, when you’re sweating profusely in that stylish crewneck sweater.

I did a little research online and discovered an interesting fact: “The cardigan was named after James Thomas Brudenell, 7th Earl of Cardigan, a British military commander, following his service in the Crimean War.” OK, maybe I’m using the definition of the phrase “interesting fact” that means: a boring and useless bit of information.

Nonetheless, we are now well into the cardigan sweater season, and I am glad that a British military commander invented this comfortable garment. Most of all, I am glad that I don’t care anymore.