'Matter of Laugh or Death,' a humor column
By Bill Dunn
Interesting observations on this thing we call life
(appearing each week in the Republican-American newspaper, Waterbury, CT)
DUMB CRIMINALS GIVING STATE A BAD NAME
This is getting embarrassing. I though our state took pride in being a beacon of intelligence, knowledge, and education. But lately we have produced some incredibly dumb criminals. Itís getting to the point where places such as Arkansas and Mississippi are turning out smarter outlaws than Connecticut. And thatís just wrong.
Recently there were two different national news stories during the same week. In the first story, a man from Hebron, CT, was arrested for repeatedly calling 911 and asking the police to bring him beer. Robert Poulin, age 35, was charged with disorderly conduct after calling 911 numerous times and telling police he was out of beer and requesting that the cops pick up more for him. The motto of law enforcement is ďTo Protect and Serve.Ē But I donít think that means serving another brewski.
What a dope. The reason Mr. Poulin was out of beer was because it was past 9 p.m. and all the package stores were closed. So how were the cops supposed to get the beer for him in the first place? Besides, everyone knows you donít call the cops for beer deliveries. For that job youíre suppose to call the fire department.
In the other story, a man walked into a Danbury, CT, police station puffing on a marijuana cigarette. The Associated Press report did not say exactly why Scott Snow, age 24, went to the police station. Possibly he was trying to do the cops a favor and not call 911 to request a home delivery of marijuana. Maybe he just wanted to pick some up at the station and save the cops a trip.
Snow was quickly arrested and police found more pot in his pants pocket, which makes him a dope among dopers. Itís embarrassing that our state is now producing such an ignorant class of scofflaws.
My younger brother is a cop here in Connecticut, and a few months ago in his town they arrested a guy for drunk drivingótwice in the same day! A man drove through a construction zone where some police officers were directing traffic, and he was noticeably impaired. So the cops stopped him, gave him a field sobriety test (which he flunked with flying colors), and then booked him for D.W.I.
Because this guy lived close to the police station, the cops gave him a ride home and told him to sleep it off. It seems he did not take their advice and instead started drinking some more. A couple of hours later he decided to go out driving again, and drove through the SAME construction zone and was arrested again by the SAME cops. I believe this time the initials D.W.I. stood for Driving While an Idiot.
My younger brother was selected to speak to a local TV news crew about the case. His brief sound byte was picked up by CNN and my little baby broí was on television around the world. Commenting on the two-time loser, my brother rolled his eyes and said, ďSometimes you canít make this stuff up.Ē
Well, I guess itís good that my brother got a little TV exposure. But itís not so good that moronic criminals are making our state the laughingstock of the nation.
Címon fellow Nutmeggers, we are a lot smarter than that. Itís time we started taking a little more pride in our state. If youíre going to break the law, then at least do it with some class and cleverness. The cops are not even being challenged anymore. Itís embarrassing. Remember, folks, we have a scholarly reputation in this state that needs to be upheld.
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