'Matter of Laugh or Death,' a humor column
By Bill Dunn
Interesting observations on this thing we call life
(appearing each week in the Republican-American newspaper, Waterbury, CT)
SCHEDULE TOO BUSY
Iíve decided that there are two kinds of people in the world: those who are way too busy, and those who have way too much free time on their hands.
If you think my view is incorrect or too simplistic, tough, I donít have time to think about it anymore as my weekend to-do list is large enough to choke a moose. In fact, it is now 6:15 a.m. on Saturday, and Iíve got exactly 22 minutes left to finish this column and then move on to the next task. (So please cut me some slack about any typos or grammatical mistakes; I just donít have time to proof-read this thing, irregardless of what the editor might prefer.)
With any luck I might be able to squeeze in a few hours of sleep between now and Monday morning, when it will be time to head off to work. Thatís when my schedule REALLY becomes jam-packed.
Lately at my office itís been a lot like riding a Bullet Train through the heart of Times Square on New Yearís Eve. A kaleidoscope of sights and sounds and faces rush past in a blur, but there is no time to focus on any one thing, as the avalanche of phone calls, faxes, emails, and urgent demands to deal with something ďright now!Ē never lets up. If I could get the maintenance department to install an intravenous coffee drip for my arm and a urinal under my desk I could significantly increase my productivity. When I find a free moment, Iíll run that idea past my boss.
Most days at about noon I think to myself: If I eat lunch at my desk and keep working maybe Iíll be caught up by 5 p.m. At 3 oíclock I think: Maybe Iíll be caught up by 7 p.m. And by the time I notice the cleaning crew going through the office at 8 p.m., I think: Oh well, Iíll have plenty of time to sleep when Iím dead.
Itís not that Iím complainingóOK, it is exactly that Iím complaining. The thing is, I should be complaining to myself, because many of the things on my busy schedule are volunteer activities. I willingly agreed to get involved with these various commitments. Whatís my problem?!
The situation is even more frustrating when I run into people who are on the complete opposite end of the ďfrantic spectrum,Ē those folks who have way too much free time on their hands. Yes, some of these people are elderly and retiredótheyíve already done the rat race gig, so I shouldnít be envious. (I shouldnít be, but I am. Iíd love to wrestle with the following decision on a weekday afternoon: Should I sit in the reclining chair and watch ďJudge Judy,Ē or should I move to the couch and take a nap? Gee, what should I do?Ē)
However, many of the too-much-free-time people are young and healthy, specifically, college students with an average of four months vacation each year. OK, fine, I know that most of them have to work during vacation to pay for college, but Iím in the middle of a pity party rant, so donít confuse me with facts.
So, do I foresee things slowing down and my schedule becoming less frantic and more manageable? I donít know. My to-do list this weekend was too full to include the item: ďContemplate the future.Ē Iíll have to think about that some other time.
Oh darn! It took me 27 minutes to finish this column. Now Iím behind schedule! Guess Iíll have to skip sleeping for a few more days.
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