'Matter of Laugh or Death,' a
By Bill Dunn
Interesting observations on this thing we call life
(appearing each week in the Republican-American
newspaper, Waterbury, CT)
WHY DIDN’T I THINK OF THAT?
Over the past few
months I’ve been collecting clever sayings that I receive in emails or see
on the Internet. I file these items under the heading: “I wish I had
thought of that.”
I’d like to share a few
of these ideas with you, and I want to make it clear that I am not the
author of these sayings. A few years ago I was alerted to the fact that
someone in a different state had copied a major portion of one of my humor
columns from the Internet and incorporated it, word for word, into his own
published article. When I contacted this person and reminded him that
plagiarism is a rather ugly concept (especially for a clergyman), he
sheepishly replied, “Oh, I didn’t see a name on it, so I thought it was
Well, these sayings
also are anonymous, but there is one person in the world I know for sure
DID NOT write them: me. However, the parenthetical smart-aleck comments
are all mine.
“There is a fine line
between ‘hobby’ and ‘mental illness.’” (I’m thinking: fishing, golf,
motorcycles, and gardening.)
“People who want to
share their religious views with you almost never want you to share
yours with them.” (Especially when your religious views consider
plagiarism to be a rather ugly concept.)
“You should never say
anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s
pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that
moment.” (Been there, done that, and over 20 years later my face still
turns red at the mere thought of what I said to a certain very
“There comes a time
when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about
your birthday. That time is age eleven.” (I can think of a number of
middle-aged people who need to grasp this idea.)
“The one thing that
unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic
status or ethnic background, is that deep down inside, we ALL believe
that we are above-average drivers.” (It is not surprising that there is
at least one accident tying up rush hour traffic on I-84 every single
day. What is surprising, the way people drive like maniacs, is that
there are not hundreds of accidents on I-84 every single day.)
The following thoughts
are courtesy of an anonymous email titled, “Men Are Just Happier People.”
Although I’m a man, I still wish I had thought of these reasons why men
have it much easier than women.
Wedding plans take
care of themselves.
You can wear a white
T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt
to a water park.
Car mechanics tell
you the truth.
The world is your
You never have to
drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
People never stare at
your chest when you’re talking to them.
A five-day vacation
requires only one suitcase.
You get extra credit
for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to
invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is
$6.95 for a three-pack.
You can play with
toys all your life.
You have freedom of
choice concerning growing a mustache.
can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24th in 25
know who authored these sayings, let me know. I’d like to give credit
where credit is due.