'Matter of Laugh or Death,' a humor column
By Bill Dunn
Interesting observations on this thing we call life
(appearing each week in the Republican-American newspaper, Waterbury, CT)
THE READERS REPLY: ‘PETS RULE!’
Well, this has been a very interesting exercise.
Over the years I’ve occasionally asked for feedback from readers when I discussed emotional topics, such as politics, religion, and the most volatile issue of all (or so I thought), the Red Sox vs. Yankees rivalry.
However, a few weeks ago I asked readers to reply with their answers to the following simple question: Which pets are best, dogs or cats?
The avalanche of passionate replies I received tells me two things: 1) otherwise sane and normal people have very, very, VERY intense feelings about their pets, and 2) otherwise sane and normal people are anything but sane and normal.
First, let me quote some of the emails from passionate dog lovers. One person wrote, “Cats should not even be classified as ‘pets.’ Any animal that will hiss, scratch or otherwise exude disdain for someone who feeds and tends to it deserves the label ‘zoo animal.’ But doing so actually does disservice to the many wonderful creatures kept at zoos…Dogs rule!”
A woman wrote, “I recently bought my 4th dog, a loving black Labrador retriever. Need I say more????” (Apparently the four question marks tell us that she does not need to say more, although she did in fact continue to say more.) “The love and affection given by dogs makes them rule. For every Mother who ever had empty nest syndrome, the dog is the cure. Who ever heard of a cat replacing your grown child?”
Now that you mention it, I’ve never heard of a cat replacing a grown child. On the other hand, I’ve never heard of a DOG replacing a grown child either. I mean, won’t your grandchildren turn out rather hairy?
Cat lovers also replied, including this person: “I know that my cats are smart even at their young age. Just this morning, one of them walked across the paper while I was reading it and promptly plopped his furry little butt right down on your column!” (The kind of affirmation most writers only dream about.) “I personally prefer cats over dogs. I have never really been a dog person. Dogs are too much like work. You need a shovel to clean up after them. They don’t bathe.”
Another person wrote: “I have a dopey medium sized dog which habitually throws up 10 minutes after eating and acts like a nut case…We also have two cats who do a good job keeping the local rodent population down—a good thing, but not too great when one finds a large intestine sitting on one’s back doormat.” (Yeah, I hate when that happens.)
Yet another person offered this view: “I find cats very affectionate, better than dogs at problem-solving…Cats are cleaner than dogs and, left alone for several days with quantities of litter boxes, water and food, will NOT consume their entire food bowl contents before the first day ends…Our cats eagerly greet visitors, and have the good manners not to check out the off-limit private parts of our company.”
I received three different emails from three different people containing the same phrase, which I assume must be either a tee-shirt slogan or part of the Cat Cult worship liturgy: “Cats rule! Dogs drool!”
Do you notice a pattern here? No, I don’t mean the rampant psychosis on display. I mean the fact that most of the respondents not only gave their opinion on which pet is best, but also felt compelled to insult the other pet. The dog lovers barked at cats, and the cat lovers hissed at dogs.
They say owning a pet makes people calm and relaxed. I’m not so sure.
|Home||Current Faith||Current Funnies||Faith Archive||Funnies Archive||Contact Bill|