The Unauthorized Homily

By Bill Dunn

A commentary on the Scripture readings from the Sunday Lectionary

(Scripture readings for Sunday, July 1st: 1 Kings 19:16, 19-21; Galatians 5:1, 13-18; Luke 9:51-62)

GUEST HOMILIST FEELS GOOD

Hi, my name is Norm—Norm L. Guye—and my pal Bill is busy this week, so he asked me to write his “Unauthorized Homily” for him. Bill left me a note saying: “The Scripture readings this week talk about the high cost of discipleship. So make sure you emphasize the fact that Christians can’t go through the motions. We often have to endure severe hardships and sacrifice to be true disciples of Jesus.”

Oh please, Bill, you’re such a gloom and doomer. Lighten up, will ya? Everyone knows that God wants us to be happy and comfortable, so talking about hardship and sacrifice is just a bunch of nonsense.

My pal Bill obviously takes things way too seriously, so I’m glad he’s letting me write the faith essay this week. It’ll give me a chance to set things straight.

First and foremost, unlike Bill, I don’t want to focus on what Jesus actually said. Instead, let’s focus on what he meant. Besides, if you focus on what Jesus said, it means you have to own a Bible (I think there might be one around my house somewhere, but I’m not sure), and of course, it means you have to read it once in a while. Are you kidding? Who has time for that nowadays?

Also, whoever the guys were who wrote the Bible apparently were a lot like my pal Bill: serious gloom and doomers. They quoted Jesus as saying all kinds of solemn and somber things, and giving all kinds of serious commands for how to live our lives. As most educated people understand these days, the Bible was written many years after Jesus lived, and the writers most likely made it up.

If you go by what the Bible says in this week’s gospel reading, you might get the mistaken impression that Jesus really wants people to sacrifice important things in order to follow him. Well, good thing we’re not going to confuse ourselves by reading those silly verses.

Instead let’s look inward to our own feelings and emotions, which are undoubtedly the surest guide to discovering what Jesus really wants us to do. You don’t believe that? Man, you’ve been reading Bill’s worrywart stuff for too long.

Just stop and think about it for a minute. What would you rather trust? Some dusty old words written thousands of years ago by a bunch of uptight, weird dudes? (And how many of them were women, or African-Americans, or union members, or Hispanic lesbians, or wheelchair-bound A.D.D. sufferers, huh? Yeah, they were a really diverse group—not!) Or would you rather trust the one thing that never steers you wrong, your own feelings?

Here is the absolute proof: Where did your feelings come from? Well duh! God created you with feelings. And if God created them, they must be good, right? As one of my cool college professors taught me years ago: If it feels good, do it!

So, with that important concept as our foundation, let’s look at this week’s gospel reading. My pal Bill thinks the reading is about the high cost of discipleship. Oh silly boy.

Discipleship does not have a high cost. If you don’t FEEL like putting any money in the collection basket, then Jesus doesn’t want you to. So discipleship really has no cost.

And if you don’t even FEEL like going to church on Sunday, then don’t. Jesus wants you to follow your feelings. In fact, if you don’t feel like going to church, but you go anyway, that’s a bad thing. That will cause conflict with your emotions. That could lead to frustration and anxiety. It could lead to the worst thing in the world: guilt.

(Well, at least my therapist, Doc Noodleman, tells me guilt is the worst thing in the world. He says my parents instilled the idea of guilt and shame in me when I was young, so it’s OK for me now to hate them and blame them for all my problems. Doc says if I keep meeting with him at least three times per week, at $200 per visit, then I should be cured within another 10 or 20 years. Doc Noodleman is a smart guy. He knows what he’s talking about.)

Anyway, the heart of the Gospel message is to do whatever it takes to feel good. How do I know that’s the heart of the Gospel message? Does it say that in the Bible? I dunno, probably not. But so what? I know that doing whatever it takes to feel good is the heart of the Gospel because that’s what I feel. End of discussion.

And so that’s all there is to say about it, because I don’t feel like saying more. Gee, these “Unauthorized Homilies” are easy to write. You just type out your feelings. I don’t know why Bill makes such a big deal about all the prayer and research and blah-blah-blah he claims are required to write these essays. He’s such a fuss-budget.

So just do what you feel like doing. That’s what Jesus wants. And when you die, no matter what, you will go to heaven—as long as you feel like that’s where you should go. Doc Noodleman said so.

©2007